1. |
Hell
01:38
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If there’s a higher power
They’ve got a lousy sense of humour
An appetite for torture
And a taste for the absurd
A familiar sinking feeling sets in
We’ll make the same mistakes again
You’re the worst kind of friend
A billion tiny ceilings cave in
They’ll always call the loss a win
We make the same mistakes again
Where else is there to go?
We’re already in hell
Fair to say we’ll never know
We’re already in hell
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2. |
Glow in the Dark
02:29
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As far as I can tell
I’m a hard sell
I just want to glow in the dark
Better never than late
I don’t like my face
I just want to glow in the dark
Teach me how to be
More than my anxieties
I just want to be me
But I’m too caught up
In what it means to be free
You like my body
But I could never play along
I’m leaving the party
And you won’t notice that I’m gone
As far as I can tell
I’m a home not a hotel
I just want to glow
As far as I can tell
We choose between good and well
I just want to glow
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3. |
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The sun didn’t rise today
Vultures descend and
Devour their prey
It’s not a surprise anyway
When the greed turns to spite
All that’s left will decay
My head is an overcrowded aquarium
An unnaturally saturated ecosystem
The water spills over and forms a new ocean
I’m sorry for any trouble I’ve caused
The sun didn’t rise today
The sky’s upside down and
You’ve got nothing to say
It’s not a surprise anyway
When the heart stops beating
The skin fades to grey
Another day ends
I crawl out of my skin and
Slip into bed as a ghost
Without my shell
Without my body
That folds in on itself with grief
My head is an overcrowded aquarium
An unnaturally saturated ecosystem
The water spills over and forms a new ocean
I’m sorry for any trouble I’ve caused
The sun didn’t rise today
Everyone I love is floating away
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4. |
Go Back
02:17
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I want to go back there
The kiss in the park
The playlist in your car
It felt like I knew you
Like we’d already been through
A thousand years of misery and bliss
Back when I didn’t know
All the best parts were just for show
I keep hanging on
Lost in an age that’s already gone
Would you go back there
To fool me again
The means to an end
It felt like I broke through
By denying my own truth
A couple years of
Heartache I won’t miss
Back when I didn’t know
All the best parts were just for show
You keep running the same con
And when you go back I will be gone
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5. |
Merciful
03:18
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Forgive me
Sleep deprivation’s got me dragging my feet
If I’m not the one
I must be one of three
Or four, or five
I tried
If we’re only as good as our worst mistake
I am no better than you
Falling stocks and trauma bonds
You’re a mess and I’m no fun
Pull the thread as I come undone
Merciful as the setting sun
I’m sorry
No other words sound so empty
And in the next breath you will blame me
For failing to survive
I tried
Falling stocks and trauma bonds
I’ll let you believe you’ve won
How much longer can you run?
Merciful as the setting sun
Falling stocks and trauma bonds
The end, it has begun
How much more until you’re done?
Merciful as the setting sun
Merciful as the setting sun
Merciful as the setting sun
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6. |
Girl Genius
04:42
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Love me forever
Hate me for free
Lost yourself in guilt and anger?
They’ll fix it for a fee
Comfortable in exile
Spend all my time alone
I still leave all the lights on
In case you’re coming home
Girl Genius
Why are you so sad?
You’ve got all that you could want
You’re the best I’ve ever had
Girl Genius
Why are you so tough?
You give them all you’ve got
But it’s never quite enough
The shadows of people I know
In the faces of those I don't
How will you remember me
If I'm not in your latest feed?
While I was missing you
I missed myself too
Now I don't know which story to tell
Which parts of me to buy and sell
Sabotage yourself
When it gets too real
Minimize every success
So you don’t have to feel
I’m a Girl Genius
Why am I so sad?
What more could I want
I’m the best you’ll ever have
Girl Genius
But why I am so tough?
I gave them all I had
And it just wasn’t enough
Girl
Whatever she wants
It’s none of your fucking business
Girl Genius
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7. |
Is It Over?
01:48
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I can’t leave the house without crying
Can’t go outside without feeling ill
And I’m not afraid of dying
but I’m terrified of standing still
Is it over yet
I wanna go home
Is it over now
I’d rather be alone
Is it over yet
I wanna go home
Is it over now
I’d rather be alone
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8. |
Running in Circles
03:30
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Wait
I don’t want to say goodbye
In the darkness I found light
With you
Stay
I know we’re all gonna die
I just want one last fight
With you
In the scheme of forever
We’re just drifting through
Put the pieces together
Pretend it’s something new
How can you know how far you can go
If you never try
How could you know when I’m around you
Everything moves so slowly
And I worry
What if you’re the only one for me?
I’m running in circles
Chasing my tail
I’m just your dog so let me be
Something resembling free
I’m running in circles
You’re high on your ego
We’re highly unstable
And that’s what keeps us humble
In the scheme of forever
We’re just drifting through
Put the pieces together
Pretend it’s something new
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9. |
Triangle Choke
02:35
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I have a recurring dream
In which you murder me
Such generous parting gifts
An IOU and PTSD
Beneath all your fear and shame
Is a wounded child
With a traumatized brain
But the pain will never justify
The harm you do
On your endless supply
In my best revenge fantasy
My hips shut down your carotid artery
In my best revenge fantasy
No one believes who you pretend to be
In my best revenge fantasy
My hips shut down your carotid artery
In my best revenge fantasy
You take full accountability
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10. |
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Maybe in the next life
On another planet
We’ll try again
We’ll be more patient
Maybe in the next life
On another planet
We won’t forget
Not to destroy each other
I went places I shouldn’t go
With people who were bad for me
I did some things that I regret
Just to try to feel whole
And maybe in another life
On the next planet, out of sight
We’ll build something that cannot break
And pretend it’s our home
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Shelby Trapid Montreal, Québec
Shelby Trapid is a songwriter and multi-instrumentalist.
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